The Best & Worst

After seven months of traveling by bus, boat, horse, and foot through Argentina, Uruguay, Chile, and Bolivia, we decided that the best way to put El Circo Fantasma! to rest would be with a list of highs and lows from our trip. Many of these things were covered more extensively in previous posts, and we’ve tried to link back to those where appropriate. However, we thought that by putting them together in a definitive Best/Worst list, we could arm future travelers with information about what not to miss and what, at all costs, to avoid. We also thought the list would function pretty well to offer an overview of our travels. So without further ado, here goes….

Best Camping: Rio Valera at Estancia Harberton (where we had the place to ourselves, except for geese and red foxes) and Puesto Seron in Torres del Paine were both absolutely amazing. Worst Camping: The hot and dusty sites in Purmamarca and the frigid and muddy Camping Los Perros in Torres del Paine.

Best Town: For Nate it was Gaiman, for Emily, Ushuaia. The Worst Towns were the relentlessly unfriendly border town of La Quiaca and the dusty, hellishly boring Perito Moreno.

Best Room: Because it offered a warm bed after ten consecutive frigid evenings outside, we’ll go with Posada Costa Serena in Ushuaia. For style’s sake, however, Trelew’s Hotel Touring Club is hard to top. Worst Room: The bathroom at our hostel in Uyuni smelled so bad that you had to cover your nose and run in and out. And in El Chalten, we shared a room at an Albergue with a French couple who unabashedly stole one of our headlamps. Perhaps for this reason, we can’t remember the name of either of these places.

Best Hike: 9 days of peaks, glaciers, and lakes on the Torres del Paine circuit. Worst Hike: Watching cars pass us on the way up to the spectacularly boring Garganta del Diablo in Pampa Linda (Nahuel Huapi National Park).

Best Museum: For its giant sloth dung and cabinets full of skeletons, this honor goes to the Museo de Ciencias Naturales in La Plata. Worst Museum: The 12-peso Nau Victoria––a crappy, lifesize reconstruction of the boat that Magellan docked at Puerto San Julian––was an astonishing waste of money and time.

Best Bus Ride: Spiralling up the switchbacks to the dizzying Abra Condor pass on the way to Iruya was awesome. Worst Bus Ride: Doing the ride back, in the dark, at six in the morning, was absolutely terrifying.

Best Argentines: We feel duly obligated to give it to the Haack family, who welcomed us into their home in Buenos Aires for three months. The couple who took us Bodega hopping in Mendoza were also muy amable. Worst Argentines: The proprietress of Perito Moreno's heladeria (which also doubles as the town’s only locutorio) was memorably awful.

Best Organized Trip: The three-day tour of the Salar de Uyuni in Bolivia definitely lived up to all its hype. Worst Organized Trip: Honestly, we didn’t spring for these trips very often, but all of them (including Peninsula Valdez and the Cueva de las Manos) were pretty stellar.

Best Wildlife: Nothing can beat watching sea lions give birth on the beaches of Peninsula Valdez, but the penguin colony at Puerto San Julian came very close. Worst Wildlife: The goddamned coatis at Iguazu Falls, who stopped at nothing in relentless pursuit of our lunch.

Best Attraction: The Perito Moreno Glacier is as incredible as all Argentines say (with tears in their eyes). Worst Attraction: Is the aforementioned Nau Victoria an attraction? Because never have we felt so ripped off.

Best Steak: Hands down, the bife de chorizo and lomo at El Boliche “de Alberto” in Bariloche were the best steaks that either of us will ever eat. The Worst Steak was the undercooked meat we made during a pitch-black DIY asado in Tilcara.

Best Alfajor: Dear traveller. If you ever have the misfortune to be stranded in Perito Moreno, there is hope. The alfajors at Chees’1 are seriously the best alfajors in the country. Go forth and eat dulce de leche while you wait two days for your bus to come. Worst Alfajor: the homemade alfajors for sale in the Quebrada taste like honey smashed between two pieces of cardboard.

Best Drink: The bottle of Escorihuela Malbec we bought after a grueling hike up to Refugio Otto Meiling in Nahuel Huapi National Park really hit the spot. So did the warm can of Austral beer that Nate lugged over Paso John Garner at Torres del Paine. Worst Drink: The unspeakable café con leche that we got in Tilcara (3 parts powdered milk to 1 part instant coffee) is now a thing of legend.

Best Bodega: Etchart in Cafayate was ridiculously generous with their free samples. Worst Bodega: The ones in Maipu (Mendoza) that charge for tours and tastings.

Best Deal: We tried to pay three different times, but nobody would take our money. Therefore, the free overnight train from Uyuni to Villazon, Bolivia has to rate as the best deal of a trip chock full of them. Worst Deal: The Nau Victoria. We cannot emphasize enough how much this thing blows.

Best Running Joke: The all-purpose “Saben los cosas que son ricos!”, which a bakery employer once offered as a compliment. Worst Running Joke: “Can we check email? Maybe one of the grad schools will have gotten back to me” pretty much speaks for itself.

Best Local Delicacy: Steak, duh. Also, choripan (spiced sausage between crusty bread) is as special as Wisconsin Brats. Worst Local Delicacy: Coca Leaves. They taste and smell awful.

Best Local Fashion: Bowler Hats! Worn by thousands of stylish Bolivian women. Worst Local Fashion: Pretty much all of Buenos Aires fashion, but especially the mullets.

Best Shower: The hot water at Puesto Seron on the Torres del Paine circuit is worth its weight in gold. Worst Shower: Many frigid showers were taken in concrete bunkers, but cold dousings at La Quiaca and Tilcara was particularly memorable.

Best Asado Ingredient: After much debate, we agree that bife de chorizo is the best cut. Worst Asado Ingredient: I can’t believe we ate ubre (udder).

Best Beach: Mar de Ajo. Worst Beach: Peninsula Valdez at low tide (miles of mucky sand, frigid water, and giant jellyfish).

Best Weather: Coming on the heels of snow, the days we spent at Tierra del Fuego National Park were blissful. Worst Weather: Rain kept us from seeing the falls at Iguazu for more than a day. Driving rain and freezing temperatures made us want to write off Parque Nacional Los Glaciers after just three days out.

Best Argentine Expression: “Vale la pena!” which is used for everything, and “puede ser” which is all-purposely baffling. Worst Argentine Expression: “Tranquilo Chicos”, which is the providence of all annoying, dreadlocked hippies.

Best Off-The-Beaten-Path Excursion: The zodiac tour to the penguin colony at Puerto San Julian was magical. So was camping at Estancia Harberton (everybody goes as part of a package tour, but they all neglect to pitch a tent). Worst Off-The-Beaten-Path Excursion: It was very cool to see Butch Cassidy’s old digs, but I’m not sure it was worth the 8-hour round-trip bus ride. Also, we have serious doubts whether the mythical Xanadu of San Isidro (past Iruya) actually exists.

Best Bus Movie: Shooter. We wholeheartedly endorse this movie. The dialogue is incredible (“I’m gonna do whip-its until I pass out”). Danny Glover’s performance is Oscar-worthy. Attn. Hollywood: more ridiculous B-movies of this ilk need to be made for long South American bus rides. Worst Bus Movie: Probably the third dubbed showing of The Longest Yard, but there are many competitors for this slot.

Best Stereotype About Americans: Everyone in Chicago is a gangster and owns a tommy gun. Worst Stereotype About Americans: We’re all Bush-loving imperialists!

Best Artisanias: The textiles in Bolivia were beautiful, and well worth hauling out in our packs. Worst Artisanias: We found the “artisanias del sal” in Bolivia pretty amusing. Useless items constructed of rock-hard salt.

Best Book: We read a lot of British classics (all that’s really available in English), but the most bizarre and gripping book we got our hands on was Iris Murdoch’s The Sea, The Sea, which we picked up at a Patagonian book exchange. Worst Book: D.H. Lawrence’s The Plumed Serpent is so, so wretched.

Best Bookstore: Walrus Books in Buenos Aires. For having a very decent selection, and for buying our thousands of paperbacks so we didn’t have to lug them home. Worst Bookstore: The ones (and there are many) where you have to order at a counter, and not browse the stacks. Insane.

Best Gear: Our tent survived a lot of wind and rain, and never once let us down. Worst Gear: Sadly, our MSR Whisperlite. We managed to break and/or lose no fewer than three key components, and the horrible solvente industrial necessitated a full scouring of the fuel line after each use.

That's it! Thanks to our readers for following along for so many months. –NSH & EMW