Algo Profundo

As much as people wax poetic about the elegant simplicity of baseball, let’s face it. It’s pretty complicated. I’m not talking about calculating VORP, or when to squeeze bunt. I’m just talking about the rules. I realize that in some ways this seems kind of strange. In America, nobody ever has to explain to anybody how baseball works, but at some point we all figure out about balls, strikes, force-outs, tagged runners, and fielding errors. However, in Argentina, they have no idea what any of these things are. Baseball is completely boring and illogical to them, not unlike the way the British monarchy is to me.

Fortunately, baseball––at least playoff baseball––is still broadcast down here. But this doesn’t stop the announcers from doing everything they can to ruin it. They do this primarily by acting as though the only interesting thing that can possibly happen is a home run. When someone hits a home run, they yell “ALGO PROFUNDO!” and then they make a noise like “Lolllolllollllolllo.” Kind of like what they do when soccer players score. Which, I think, is really lame. Folks who complain about Hawk’s home run calls, or Ron Santo’s radio announcing, need to get a load of this. They’ll never complain again.

That said, I do appreciate that the members of our host family make an effort to learn about baseball. They do have, however, an unfortunate knack for entering the room immediately after a pitch is thrown, and staying only for the length of time it takes the pitcher to adjust his jock, blow onto his hands, and shake off five or six calls from the catcher. This lack of action never fails to confuse them. Also confusing: “What is an out?” and “Did he do an out?” More recently, they’ve given up trying to figure it out. Now they’re merely interested in who is playing. I think they thought the whole thing was finally finished when the Tigers beat the Yankees, but I didn’t know how to explain that it merely meant that the Tigers would advance to another series––seven games this time, instead of five. The World Series is totally going to blow their minds.

In short, don’t look for Argentina at the next World Baseball Classic. They’re not going to be there. -NSH